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Becoming a solo singer is like going from an eau de toilette to a perfume. It’s much more intense – Geri Halliwell

Posted by on Lip 1, 2011

BlackMary at TedX Zagreb, 28.05.2011

I couldn’t agree with Geri Halliwell’s quote more.  Especially last Saturday when I had a presentation and mini performance at TedX Zagreb, my first “official” solo gig.  A very intense experience indeed.  There were no Druyds there to hold my hand as they do at each concert we have.  No.  It was just BlackMary, alone on stage.  The old African saying goes, the man who eats alone dies alone and I felt as though I was dying a very slow and painful death.  Akin to  my first concerts with Druyd, my heart beat fast, I could barely breath, my hands were shaking (so much so that I was one slide ahead of myself!) and I could barely get through.

But like I tell my pupils, when it was finished, the world didn’t come to an end.  In fact,  it all went much better than expected.  Much, much better.  Sure, I hit a few wrong notes, I was one slide ahead of myself, I forgot to tell them to do a “how fascinating” if they made any mistakes before we started singing (I did remember to tell them not to listen to others people’s opinions – opinions are like assholes, I said, everyone’s got one.  I think they liked that!) but I did get through it all intact.  And I got the audience to sing which was all I was really there for:

The audience singing the most wonderful exercise ever, ha yang or exercising joy as I like to call it :)

When I saw those beaming faces singing, I knew that this was worth it.  That everything was worth those joyous smiles.

I have been thinking about doing some solo gigs for a while now and when I collect enough material I have decided that yes, I have to go for it.  I must not let my insecurities keep me from doing the things I love.  Dr. Seuss said “You can get help from teachers, but you are going to have to learn a lot by yourself, sitting alone in a room”,  and this is exactly what I realised on Saturday.  It’s the most wonderful thing in the world to have someone to hold your hand but how liberating it must be to learn to stand up by yourself…

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